Yesterday on the boat a man looked at me and said "oh man, to be young again."
I smiled and said "I bet I'm not as young as you think. How old are you?"

He told me he is 43.

"You're only ahead by a little over 4 years. That's it."

He was shocked. He didn't believe me, I had to pull my drivers license out. I'm used to it. It's not just my face (which I've paid good money to preserve) and it's not just my body...it's how I carry myself, he said. You walk and move with youthful energy.

That, is not an accident. That is hard fought.

Ten years ago I was a Hollywood promoter and performer. I was waking up at 2pm, staying out until 3am. I was drinking most weekends. I was loving the attention but my god did I feel horrible. My body hurt. My brain felt sluggish. My bodyfat crept up and up and my muscles degenerated. I sought out a fight gym again for mental clarity. Then I met Shane Sweatt . I watched him work one day with a pro fighter friend and I thought HO-LEE SHIT. That's what I want to do.

So I flew to Ohio. I committed. I put my false eyelashes and rhinestones and vanity away and sucked my ego up and walked into the most famous powerlifting gym in the world. And I SUCKED. I failed lifts, I moved BABY weight. I grimaced and cried and felt muscles I didn't now existed. I found out how POORLY my body really was doing, but also how to fix it. I watched Laura Phelps Sweatt do things I didn't even know women could do, that I'd been told women weren't capable of....and I felt, for the first time, unstoppable.

I had boxed. I had pitted my will against other people in my twenties but I hadn't learned what it meant to fight against myself, my own will, my own mental breaks. That's the real test.

I was 30 when I went to Ohio. I was weak, deconditioned. My movement was poor, uncoordinated and dysfunctional. Harvard says that the two things that stand in the way of rapid aging and both physical and mental decline are 1) learning new concepts and 2) learning new movements. I was aging at light speed. Until then.

One day Shane put me through what is still one of the hardest work outs of my life. It started with strength and ended with conditioning. There were banded glute ham raises, deadlifts, box jumps, sprints on an air dyne.... I don't remember it all. And I wanted to die. I felt my body actually physically FAIL. I kept crying out and gently he would say, in that firm but encouraging voice "come on you're not done, breathe, and get going". I learned that that physical fail wall is WAAAAY farther out than the mental block. My brain told me to quit a thousand times. I was raining sweat. When it was done I ran to the bathroom. I puked, and I burst into tears. I wasn't sad, I just had NOTHING LEFT, and that was my bodies response. It was terrifically scary to see actual failure happen. I had never felt my body just STOP being able to do things like that. I crawled out and Shane was there grinning "you did it! You did it girl good job." And I was so proud. mother of the brides or groom wears suitable for fall

And I thought....think about that. Yes, you failed, BUT YOU DID A LOT. You gave everything you had.

And now I chase that line. I breathe hot smoke at the failure demon that seeks to grab my ankles, pull my ribs shut, force my shoulders to collapse. I add pounds one, two, three, four, five at a time. One more rep. Ten more feet. 30 more seconds. I fight age and decline off with fury. I am younger now than I was ten years ago. And I am hell to tangle with.

I'm a late thirties almost forties athlete. I'm stronger than I've ever been. And that's not because I'm special. It's because I fight for it. I can feel my body, my brain working better than they ever have. I learn faster. I watch children and I identify with their movements. Sure, I take a little longer to recover. I can't go out and party but who cares. Bars are boring. Alcohol is boring. Drunk people are boring and depressing. I wake up at 6 most days and I'm in the gym all day helping other people chase this same thing, fight off years, reclaim their power, learn how amazing they really are.

My church is made of iron, and leather, and rubber, and sweat, and blood, and tears. I haven't picked up a five pound weight in years. I move heavy things, with purpose. This isn't a vanity project for me, I don't care about "I want to look cute" those workouts serve me no joy and have no point, repetitive nonsensical simplistic single joint baby weight moving. If you aren't rehabbing an injury why work like that? You were made for more. You were built a glorious and powerful machine and you can find out just how incredible you are, it is never too late.

Ten years ago I walked back into a fight gym after many years off...and it lead me down a path of self discovery and awakening. I'm doing what I was always meant to do. I build valkyries. I show superheroes that they are superheroes. Many certifications and thousands of hours clocked later I can say with confidence - you have an athlete inside of you, just waiting for you to notice them.

You are only as old as you feel. Don't let the demon drag you down. Rage and stoke the fire inside yourself. Burn and scald and when you burn out, make sure you lived in such a way that, as Bukowski says "death will tremble to take you."